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Miscarriage (before 20 weeks gestation) and still birth (after 20 weeks) are
major and very real losses. If you have suffered a pregnancy loss, no matter
how early, you may be in shock right now. This information sheet is intended
to help you negotiate the first days and weeks after your loss, when you will
probably be facing hard decisions and phone calls to make. Following are
questions you may want to consider and phone numbers you may need.
Immediately...
- If you miscarry at home, call your doctor and/or 911. Consider placing your
baby and placenta in a clean container, so that genetic testing or an autopsy
can be done to identify or rule out possible causes of the miscarriage.
- If you miscarry at the hospital, talk with your doctor about doing genetic
testing or an autopsy.
In the first hours... Difficult as it will be, many parents find
comfort in:
- Seeing and/or touching the baby (most hospitals will accommodate)
- Having photos taken of the baby (most hospitals will accommodate)
- Having a religious ceremony performed, such as baptism
- Naming the baby and getting a birth/death certificate
- Having the hospital make hand/foot/ear prints of the baby
- Donating the body to science
- Keeping mementos from the hospital, such as ID tags
- Donating your breast milk through the Human Milk Banking Association:
(203) 232-8809
Talk about these options with your doctor or nurse. These will be difficult
decisions and actions to take now, but later, when you are stronger, they may
help you connect with and memorialize your baby, whom you knew all too briefly.
Ask your doctor or nurse what to expect regarding your physical recovery,
including bleeding, cramping, and lactation. Ask how you can minimize your
discomfort in the coming week. You may also want to talk to a hospital chaplain
or social worker about your loss.
In the first week...
- Decide how you would like to treat your baby's remains. Burial and
cremation are common choices, and many couples hold a private or public
memorial service. The following funeral homes will provide these services
for little or no cost. Alternatively, your hospital can take care of these
arrangements.
| Duggan's Serra | Daly City | (650) 756-4500 |
| Sneider & Sullivan | San Mateo | (650) 343-1804 |
| Jones Mortuary | East Palo Alto | (650) 323-2481 |
| Oak Hill | San Jose | (408) 297-2447 |
| Norman's | Soquel | (831) 476-6211 |
- Arrange a follow up meeting with your obstetrician to discuss pathology
results, further testing you may wish to have done, and any questions or
problems you have.
- Contact a local support group. Helping After Neonatal Death (HAND)
has biweekly meetings for people whose children have died before, at, or soon
after birth. Each chapter has a lending library, peer counseling, home visits,
and a newsletter.
HAND of the Peninsula/
HAND of Santa Cruz
P.O. Box 3693
Redwood City, CA 94064
(650) 367-6993
www.HANDsupport.org |
Helping After Neonatal Death
(Santa Clara, Alameda, Contra Costa Counties and Central Valley)
Post Office Box 341
Los Gatos, CA 95301-0341
(408) 995-6102
(888) 908-HAND
www.handonline.org |
- Consider sending out a birth/death announcement to friends and family.
Announcements, books, ornaments, and other mementos are available from:
Over the coming weeks and months... Consider other ways of honoring your baby and making his/her life more real.
- If you haven't named the baby already, give him/her a name (unisex if you
don't know the sex)
- Wear a pendant or other piece of jewelry
- Name a star through the International Star Registry:
(800) 282-3333,
www.starregistry.com
- Have a favorite object created into a custom urn:
(800) 992-7292,
www.creativecremains.com
- Create or purchase an artwork
- Make a donation to a favorite charity
- Plant a tree

Other Local Resources
- Stanford Hospital Grief and Loss Answer Line:
(650) 497-8587
- SAND (Support After Neonatal Death): San Francisco.
For information, call
Chris Lehr, LCSW at (415) 282-7330 or
Mark Claycomb, LCSW at (415) 522-7400,
www.sfsand.com
- SAND (Support After Neonatal Death): Berkeley
(510) 204-1571
- California Pacific Medical Center: San Francisco. 3698
California Street, (415) 600-2229. Pregnancy after loss
support group meets third Wednesday of every month from 7:00 to
9:00 pm,
cpmcnewborn@sutterhealth.org
- California Pacific Medical Center: San Francisco. 3698
California Street, (415) 600-2628. Genetic termination
support group meets first Wednesday of every month from 7:00 to
8:30 pm
- Grupo Amparo: San Francisco. Spanish speaking support group
for parents who have lost infant children before or shortly after birth
meets twice monthly at St. Luke's Hospital. For information, call
Julie Mitra at (415) 764-0211
- Compassionate Friends (support group for families who have lost
older children): (408) 554-9282
- Touchstone (support for families with children facing
life-threatening illness): Santa Clara (408) 727-5775,
www.php.com/support/touchstone/
- KARA (grief counseling on a sliding fee scale): Palo Alto
(650) 321-5272,
www.kara-grief.org

Helpful Books and Booklets
- Unsung Lullabies: information on grieving with a good bibliography.
Free from HAND
- Miscarriage: A Shattered Dream by Sherokee Ilse: short book with
resource list. Free from HAND
- Miscarriage: A Man's Book by Rick Wheat: a booklet for dads by a dad.
Free from HAND of the Peninsula
- Unsupported Losses by Sherokee Ilse: booklet on ectopic and molar
pregnancy. Free from HAND of the Peninsula
- Empty
Arms* by Sherokee Ilse: coping after miscarriage,
stillbirth and infant death. Available from Wintergreen Press
- Empty
Cradle, Broken Heart* by Deborah Davis: surviving the
death of your baby. Available from Fulcrum Publishing, Golden, CO
- Parenthood
Lost* by Michael R. Berman: healing the pain after
miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant death. Available from Bergin &
Garvey Publishing
- Unspeakable
Losses* by Kim Kluger-Bell: healing from miscarriage,
abortion and other pregnancy loss. Available from Norton Publishing, New
York, NY
*These titles may be purchased in
association with Amazon.com by clicking on them directly.

Online Resources
Last updated: May 18, 2008
Christina Conklin
Copyright ©2008 HAND of the Peninsula
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